Temporary Insanity Part 3: Nautical Knowledge
by Frigid Waters
Summary: I can't summarize this. However it is rated T for bad language.


I do believe that this series as it were, is going to be based loosely on personal experiences.

I know this is short but I needed my own version of therapy. So please forgive me.

I don't own squat.

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Temporary Insanity Part 3: Nautical Knowledge

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"Why do I get this talk?" I whined. Yes I most certainly was going to try to get out of this.

"Because Dear, you're the man in this relationship." Her tone was that of contention.

"I'm the man?" I questioned. "You're the one that wears the strap on the most."

"That's only because you look so sexy getting fucked with it. The way your back arches...the way you beg for more, the way you long to be claimed...taken."

"So why am I the man again?"

"Because I said so, that's why. Do you want to argue about this some more? I'm sure sleeping on the couch tonight will give you more than enough time to research your argument."

Dropping my head I mumble, "No."

"Good, so go up there and answer our son's question." Her every utterance every bit the Mayor.

"But he's ten."

"Well then stall him till we think he's ready!"

"I don't want to talk about this stuff till he's thirty."

"Neither do I! But I need to feed your daughter and you can't breast feed."

'Damn!' I thought, 'she's playing the breast feeding card again.' If I've learned anything over the past month, it's that you can't EVER win against the breast feeding card. It's marital murder so reluctantly I submit.

"If I'm dealing with this with Henry, you're dealing with the period thing with Skylar."

"Sure Darling, whatever you say."

'Jesus, why does it always have to be me,' I wonder as I walk up the stairs. Dreading the forthcoming conversation with our son all the more with every inch. Holistically unprepared for this, the stage of adolescence their abnormally mature son was seemingly rushing into. Who the hell invented puberty anyway? Probably some childless ass with too much time on his hands and an all access pass to a whore house that's who.

Swallowing deeply I knock on the door to Henry's room. "Hey kid, can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure Emma, what's up." Henry replied smiling as he put his comic book down.

Sitting down in his desk chair, the two of us simply staring into the others eyes. "Your Mom asked me to ah- well to come up and answer your question...you know the one you asked her this morning..."

"Yeah... and?"

"Well the thing is...okay when two people love each-"

Hearing his groan I look up."Emma I know where babies come from." He dead panned.

Shocked, I sat there making a very believable fish impression. Suddenly snapping out of my stupor, "Then what the hell was your question?"

"I wanted to know what semen was."

"What?!" Please tell me I heard that wrong. I could feel the color draining from my face.

"Semen, Paul at school mentioned it and I wanted to know what it was."

Thinking fast I replied, "Its a term for men who work at sea, men who work on a boat."

"I thought that's what the word sailor was for." He questioned, his brow furrowing.

"Well that's for men who use sail boats, I meant men who work on other boats."

"Oh." Henry was quiet then, "Thanks Ma."

"No problem Kid."

"'Kay." He mumbled as he picked his comic book back up and continued reading.

Walking out of his room, I stop at the threshold, "Hey Henry, if you ever want time alone or if you've simply had too much of your sister running in and out, put a sock on the door and lock it. We'll respect your privacy."

"Uhh—Okay."

"Good, great talk Buddy. I'll come get you for lunch when it's ready." Shutting his door behind me, I shake my head as I return downstairs to Regina.

"How did it go?" Her tone cautious as though unwilling to truly know the answer.

"Well...," looking into her eyes I crumbled. "I folded, I panicked Regina, I thought I was going up there to explain the birds and the bees but he said he already knew where babies came from."

"I know he knows that. He asked me that when I was pregnant." Her eyes softening. "What did you answer?"

"Baby I flaked so bad... I kept picturing him in diapers... so I kinda told him it was what you called men who worked on boats."

"Emma!"

"I know, I know...at least we had the sock talk though..." I returned her gaze pitifully.

"The sock talk?" Now it was Regina's turn to look lost.

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There you have it, a glimpse into my day today. And yes I did panic and I answered my son's question the exact same way Emma did. I know I flaked and all, but he's only 9! Kids should come with a handbook and puberty shouldn't happen till thirty! Damn do i need a drink now.

Frigid


End file.
